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The CENTER
for CRETACEOUS STUDIES
THE WORLD LEADER IN LIVE DINOSAUR RESEARCH
And All The Crap Associated With Them
| BRIDGE JUMPS OUT IN FRONT OF TOUR BOAT |
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| C4CS Tour Boat Captain Krunsh Able To Avoid Hitting "Titanic-Sized" Iceberg |
DECEMBER 2011 TRIPOD SITE OF THE MONTH
using a LOT of payola and arm twisting
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGICAL SOCIETY
even though they asked us to please leave quietly
WELCOME to the Center for Cretaceous Studies [C4CS] Dinosaur Research Facility website. At this
site we'll show you the day-to-day operations, research, screaming and evacuating techniques practiced around the clock.
This is, without a doubt, the most unfluential website in the history of Paleontology and Dinosaur Behaviorial Studies [aka:
Dinosaur BS]. Also thankfully the ONLY place on Earth researching, investigating, studying,
and running away from very real, very breathing, and very alive Dinosaurs.
At the Center for Cretaceous Studies we occasionally research and sometimes study
the unstudied and unresearched aspects of Dinosaur life, both past and present. However, as the ONLY site in the world with
eating, biting, living, biting, breathing, carnivorous Dinosaurs from the Cretaceous Period [wait, did we mention biting?],
we have live examples just down the hallway, so eh, we don't really care if we discover something or not.
Our record is incomparable to any museum, park, animal reserve, or shopping mall on the planet. Not only because our "residents"
are actually live, meat-eating Dinosaurs that can and will eat you, but mostly because we are the only ones stupid enough
to house live, meat-eating Dinosaurs that can and will eat you.
Our unofficial motto: "Museums Are Nice, But We Have Them LIVE", remains our unofficial motto to this
day, mostly because we don't want to be sued by Universal or Spielberg. Even so, we thought it was better than our previous
motto "You're Probably Going To Die Here".
Our Dinosaur Research Facility is set on a gorgeous college campus-like setting that would be on the cover of Better Homes
& Gardens if not for the... well, you know whats. Numerous research buildings dot our campus grounds where scientific [or
what qualifies around here as 'scientific'] study is constantly being postponed while funeral arrangements are being made.
Inside these buildings, most of them seemingly constructed of reinforced styrofoam, is where all the damage is done, er...
research is carried out, sometimes with only minor catastrophic results.
As a guest, visitor, visiting academician or mortician, you'll see DinoResearch as it happens! In fact we have several people
on staff whose sole job is to walk around in white lab coats with pen-filled pocket protectors, saying things like "hmmmmm..."
while carrying clipboards.
C4CS's Ultra Super Duper Top Secret Dinosaur Research Facility, in west suburban
Chicago, Illinois, is home to over 142 species* - we think - and growing every year.
*Note: Most of our DinoCensus Pollsters have never returned, so we're kinda guessing at numbers.
We invite you to wade through this DinoSite and see what happens here every freakin' day. Then start planning your
trip here and/or making funeral arrangements!
DON'T FORGET to click over to the CRETACEOUSLAND! site below, our outdoor DinoReserve.
But before that, why not waste a little more of your precious life by looking over this site, dedicated to the research
side of The Center for Cretaceous Studies? After which you can jump over to Cretaceousland! from several places throughout this site.
BOOKMARK! BOOKMARK!: We suggest you
'Bookmark' this site on your Favorites or your Bucket List as company news information (below) is updated often during the
wintry months when the DinoResidents are here.
You don't want to miss any of the action... specially if for some insane reason you are actually planning to visit us in person!
Thanks for visiting, and we hope to see you here soon!
Please remember to bring proof of life insurance, next of kin contact information, and blood type listed on separate
piece of paper [in case the original is eaten].
NOTE: some - but not all it's too expensive of the photos
on this site can be enlarged by clicking on them.
| CEO DR. BECKMANN RUINS ANOTHER DINODIG, 2007 |
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| Over The Years Dr. Beckmann Has Dug Up Many Ounces Of Bones- Some Of Them Belong To Dinosaurs! |
THE LATEST BUZZ, ILL-GOTTEN FACTS, ANCIENT NEWS, RUMORS AND GOSSIP...
OK, MOSTLY RUMORS AND GOSSIP,
FROM THE C4CS WATER COOLER
LAST UPDATED 28 JANUARY 2012 A.D.
AKA: 64,005,317 YEARS AFTER "THE ANCIENTS" KICKED THE BUCKET
REPORT FROM CRETACEOUSLAND!s LAKE DEATH: THERE MAY BE ICE FORMING
- SKATING SOON!
Hundreds Of Employees Break Out Ice Skates Only To Find It's Just An Iceberg
Center for Cretaceous Studies Dr. S Beckmann promised speedy work to begin placing a "Bridge Out" sign near the "slight,
gaping hole" from a partially collapsed section of bridge after it ran out in front of a Lake Death Tour Boat. The sign
should be in place "early next week, or by the end of next week at the latest." The bridge is the only road from Cretaceousland!s
Habitats 36 to 50. Those wishing to exit that area will have to do so by crossing a slippery rope bridge over a chasm near
Habitat 38.
Two spans of the Canasta Bridge were dented Thursday night by Tour Boat 97. No injuries were reported on the bridge or in
the boat, mostly because the entire crew were onshore at the bar. Investigators are looking into who forgot to tie it down
and who forgot to turn off the engines. The ship was traveling upriver toward Lake Death when the aging steel bridge "jumped
out of no where," according to those taking pictures of the crash with their phones.
"There is a point where they may have to fire up ol' 98," said Captain Krunsh from behind his 7&7. "That ship is
going to be there for some time." He was referring to Lake Death Tour Boat 98, the next in line to take over tour duties.
96 boats have now been either sunk or damaged beyond repair in the history of the Center for Cretaceous Studies. Tour rides
began in Spring of 2010.
Several big shots were planning to speak about the bridge Friday at the early afternoon press conference. Unfortunately, no
one was there to cover it. Once the media discovered the doughnuts couldn't get over the bridge, everyone pretty much left.
Jerry Onomo was on the bridge Thursday night and said he had to slam on his brakes when he saw a section missing ahead of
him. "All of a sudden I see the road's gone and I hit the brakes," said Onomo, who works in Habitat 43. "It's unfortunate
that I didn't get that brake job I wanted last week. I just hope they can recover my car." Onomo's car fell about 5,000
feet into the water below. Search & Rescue teams comforted Onomo with new car brochures and little hope.
The 312-foot-long Tour Boat was built to navigate shallow waterways such as bath tubs and was carrying empty pop bottles on
their way to get our 10¢ deposit, Captain Krunsh told This Week In Paleontology.
The bridge opened in March 2009, connecting outdoor DinoResident Habitats 36 thru 50 to the main road here at The Center.
The C4CS Transportation Cabinet said the bridge was in the process of being replaced just as the Tour Boat hit it.
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/01/27/kentucky-bridge-collapses-after-being-struck-by-cargo-ship/#ixzz1khTtc3xO
NEW APP FOR iPAD LOOKS MUCH SAFER THAN THE REAL THINGS
Over
60 Dinosaur Things And Stuff, Says Guy
A new app for the iPad is spectacular, according to some of the awake DinoExperts here at The Center. The major hook for the
new app is a bunch of computer-animated dinosaurs. A total of 60 prehistoric animals—mostly dinosaurs with a few non-dinosaurian
boring things among the lot—are shown in animated walk cycles and guessed-at battles. Other than paleo stupidity—the
Deinonychus feathers not well drawn—the artwork seems to be on par with any dinosaur art work you’re likely to
see on your refrigerator.
Visit Inside The World Of Dinosaurs
IP74 SUPERVISOR NOT ENTIRELY SOBER WHILE SUPERVISING
Practiced
Alphabet Backwards To Convince Security
Not being entirely sober is certainly one way to supervise in a live Dinosaur Paddock, according to IP61 Supervisor James
Beam. Of course, it's also in the C4CS Employee Manual [page 3]. This may be the main reason why IP74 Supervisor Jack Saypatt
is a boozer.
It turns out the Paddock's longtime Supervisor, who's been with the Tarascosaurus salluvicus since late November, sometimes
heads out for drinks with Ivanna White Fercote while on 'break' from Supervising. Saypatt and Fercote are regulars at The
Horseshoe Rode Inn, just down the road from Gate 2. According to bar Manager Marge O'Rita, the two have their own barstools,
complete with their names on the back.
As he explained in a recent interview on"The C4CS Today Show," when he first started nearly two months ago - "and
was much younger and could tolerate those things [meaning working with live Dinosaurs]," Saypatt said - the Paddock
was somewhat of a death wish.
All of those brewskis allow for "endless time between DinoAlert!s. Our dinner breaks are two-and-a-half hours long while
ambulatory crews drive out former guests and stuff."
Rather than just hang around, Saypatt and Ivanna White Fercote head over to the Horseshoe Rode Inn, where they serve "great
margaritas," the 35-year-old Supervisor recalled; although 'recalled' is a bit of a stretch since this all happened last
week, and is, in fact, still going on.
"Ivanna and I run over [to the bar] and have nine, or twenty or fourteen. And then come back and sign off the last
MPE lists and have trouble recognizing the alphabet or the entrance gate," he admitted. "So we started memorizing the
alphabet backwards, which impressed gate security and the bartender. We clean up in bar bets.'"
So has anyone ever spotted a suspiciously giggly or slurring Saypatt in any Security clips? As Saypatt says, "They're really
good tapes to get ahold of, but I'm waiting for the DVD set."
Read more: http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/26/pat-sajaks-hosted-wheel-of-fortune-drunk/?hpt=hp_bn4
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A division of Beckmann Scientific [BS]
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