for CRETACEOUS STUDIES
THE WORLD LEADER IN LIVE
And All The Crap Associated With Them
|"TIME-OUTS" NOT SUGGESTED DURING DINOMOVE
|This Photo, Taken At Cretaceousland!, Shows Former Volunteer 'Resting'. A BIG No No.
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGY SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
THE CENTER FOR CRETACEOUS STUDIES
you kidding? how'd THAT happen?!?
Look For CEO, Founder, DR. S BECKMANN On LinkedIn
seriously, why would you do that?
|Charter Member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Dinosaurs Since Last Week
the Center for Cretaceous Studies [tC4CS] LIVE Dinosaur research institution website.
Our Indoor Paddocks [IPs] are now empty since we've just moved the animals next door to Cretaceousland! where they will be
staying outdoors throughout the warm summer months. Well, most of the time anyways, we hope.
Here at the Center for Cretaceous Studies we often research and sometimes study
the unstudied and unresearched aspects of Dinosaur life, both past and present. That is, when we're not attending the funerals
of those doing that unstudied and unresearched stuff. However, as the ONLY research institute in the world with eating,
biting, living, biting, breathing, biting, carnivorous Dinosaurs from the Cretaceous Period [wait, did we mention biting?], we have live examples just down
the hall, so eh, what do we care if we discover something in fossils or not?
Our record is incomparable to any other live Dinosaur research institute on Earth. Not because our "residents" are actually
live, meat-eating Dinosaurs, but mostly because we are the only ones stupid enough to house live, meat-eating Dinosaurs.
Our unofficial motto: "Museums Are Nice, But We Have Them LIVE", remains our unofficial motto to this
day, mostly because we don't want to be sued by Universal Studios or that Spielberg guy. Then again we thought it was slightly
better than our previous motto: "You're Probably Going To Die Here".
Set on a gorgeous college campus-like setting, our Dinosaur research facility would be on the cover of Better Homes & Gardens
if not for the... well, you-know-what's. This research institution, located near Chicago, Illinois, is home to over 158 species*
- we think - and probably growing every year, for all we know.
*Note: Most of our DinoCensus volunteers have never returned, so we're kinda guessing
site on your Favorites or Bucket List as company news and information [below] is updated nearly every weekend - or as long
as someone is still around [alive] to write.
You don't want to miss any of the 'adventures'... specially if for some insane reason you actually plan to visit us
some day. Thanks for looking, and we hope to see you here soon!
Proof of life insurance, next of kin contact information, and blood type on separate piece
of paper [in case the original is eaten] are required before admission will be granted.
|CEO DR. BECKMANN RUINS ANOTHER COUPLE DINODIGS
|Over The Years Dr. Beckmann Has Dug Up Many Ounces Of Bones- Some Of Them Belong To Dinosaurs!
| THE LATEST BUZZ, QUESTIONABLE FACTS, INNUENDO, HINTS,
RUMORS AND GOSSIP...
ok, mostly just rumors and gossip,
DIRECT FROM tC4CS WATER COOLER
LAST UPDATED 1 MAY 2016 A.D.
AKA: 66,005,321 YEARS AFTER "THE ANCIENTS" KICKED THE BUCKET
SPRING DINOMOVE CONTINUES AT RECORD PACE
For The Staff At CFI Care As Hundreds Keep Life Flight Helicopters Busy
The first day of no DinoResidents at The Center's Indoor Paddocks [IPs] brings an alarming silence to the hallways. Many employees
who've never experienced the quiet [yes quiet!] of the occasion have been taken aback. Some have been taken even further.
"I can't believe it's this quiet!" said an astounded Noah Remorse, Employee Cafeteria 1 worker. "I've been here
for weeks and it's always been so loud. I never knew we had Muzak!"
As Remorse celebrated with fellow Employee Cafeteria staff, others were being hoisted aboard CFI Care Life Flight helicopters,
their reward for volunteering to help move the DinoResidents outdoors to Cretaceousland! for the coming summer season. Though
the skies remain overcast and there were few rain showers early, the 2016 Spring DinoMove is going, as Spring DinoMove Director
Patty Pewper said, "Terribly."
So, basically, par for the course.
CFI brought in 10 brand new 2017 Life Flight choppers this year - all paid-for from the 2015 Fall DinoMove. Also on hand for
any 'ouchies' were 64 ambulances, 22 buses, and a special triage site near the southwest Emergency Landing Zone.
C4CS Security Chief Barb Dwyer reported the Spring DinoMove began on schedule, precisely at 4:17:74. "By 4:17:89 we had
our first LOL [Loss Of Life] incident. The volunteer was identified from a leftover sneaker as IP88 DinoHandler Bruce
Though early in the DinoMove, Shews' 'retirement' did not break the 1981 record of former [if you know what we mean] IP60
employee Maya Certz, who 'retired' 1.9 seconds into the Spring 1981 DinoMove.
The DinoMove continues until we get them all outta here, noted Pewper.
CENTER FACES LAWSUIT OVER AMOUNT OF DINORESIDENTS IN IPs
Usually Too Busy Running/Screaming To Count, Say IP Supervisors
The Center for Cretaceous Studies is being sued for $5 over the amount of DinoResidents it puts in its Indoor Paddocks [IPs].
According to This Week In Paleontology, a C4CS tourist named Winston Paine filed a 2-page complaint in Northern Illinois Federal
Court in Chicago last week. The former visitor, recuperating at CFI Care following his visit, alleges that The Center's customers
are being misled because the company’s IPs contain just over half the Dinosaurs they are paying for.
“A Center for Cretaceous Studies customer who walks into a Tyrannosaur Paddock gets only 14 animals in that
Paddock – just over half the stated amount, and just over half the amount for which they are paying,” the
Paine said in the complaint that a customer who pays to see "a bunch of Tyrannosaurs" will only get to see only about
14 even though they are expected to see 24 as The Center for Cretaceous Studies states on a pretty sign outside the gate.
"In essence, The Center is saying the number of its Tyrannosaurs is a lot, rather than the amount a customer will
see when they purchase a ticket — and deceiving its customers in the process," the complaint added.
The lawsuit he filed is a class action on behalf of anyone who has visited the Tyrannosaurus rex Paddock in the last
10 years. Anyone included in the lawsuit will also have to be alive. This could hurt the cause, admitted Paine.
Lotta Hert, Paine’s lawyer, told This Week In Paleontology that the damage could be higher than $5 if the case is successful.
"We may shoot for the... the... well, those bright, twinkly things in the sky at night," Hert stated - or tried to
state - outside the southwest gate earlier this afternoon.
CEO and founder Dr. S Beckmann called the lawsuit “absurd,” and said this lawsuit may hold up his own lawsuit
against The Center which he mistakenly filed over a year ago.
“Our customers understand and expect that counting live DinoResidents is an essential component of letting the customer
know approximately how many animals they may see,” the CEO said in a statement. "We are still looking to hire
someone who wants to go in there and take a count."
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