for CRETACEOUS STUDIES
THE WORLD LEADER IN LIVE
And All The Crap Associated With Them
|LABWORK NEVER STOPS AROUND HERE
|With Or Without Window Peekers
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGY SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
THE CENTER FOR CRETACEOUS STUDIES
you kidding? how'd THAT happen?!?
Look For CEO, Founder, DR. S BECKMANN On LinkedIn
seriously, why would you do that?
|Charter Member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Dinosaurs Since Last Week
the Center for Cretaceous Studies [tC4CS] LIVE Dinosaur research institution website.
The animals [that is, the Dinosaurs and not the staff], have been moved outdoors to their summer homes at Cretaceousland!.
Now is the absolute WORST time to visit We've just moved the DinoResidents back indoors, so your chances of getting out of
here alive have fallen like stock in the Weinstein Company.
Here at the Center for Cretaceous Studies we often research and sometimes study
the unstudied and unresearched aspects of Dinosaur life, both past and present. That is, when we're not attending the funerals
of those doing that unstudied and unresearched stuff. However, as the ONLY research institute in the world with eating,
biting, living, biting, breathing, biting, carnivorous Dinosaurs from the Cretaceous Period [wait, did we mention biting?], we have live examples just down
the hall, so eh, what do we care if we discover something in fossils or not?
Our record is incomparable to any other live Dinosaur research institute on Earth. Not because our "residents" are actually
live, meat-eating Dinosaurs, but mostly because we are the only ones stupid enough to house live, meat-eating Dinosaurs.
Our unofficial motto: "Museums Are Nice, But We Have Them LIVE", remains our unofficial motto to this
day, mostly because we don't want to be sued by Universal Studios or that Spielberg guy. Then again we thought it was slightly
better than our previous motto: "You're Probably Going To Die Here".
Set on a gorgeous college campus-like setting, our Dinosaur research facility would be on the cover of Better Homes & Gardens
if not for the... well, you-know-what's. This research institution, located southwest of Chicago, Illinois, is home to over
158 species* - we think - and probably growing every year, for all we know.
*Note: Most of our DinoCensus volunteers have never returned, so we're kinda guessing
site on your Favorites or Bucket List as company news and information [below] is updated nearly every weekend - or as long
as someone is still around [alive] to write.
You don't want to miss any of the 'adventures'... specially if for some insane reason you actually plan to visit us
some day. Thanks for looking, and we hope to see you here soon!
Proof of life insurance, next of kin contact information, and blood type on separate piece
of paper [in case the original is eaten] are required before admission will be granted.
|CEO DR. BECKMANN RUINS ANOTHER COUPLE DINODIGS
|Over The Years Dr. Beckmann Has Dug Up Many Ounces Of Bones- Some Of Them Belong To Dinosaurs!
| THE WEEK IN REVIEW BUZZ
QUESTIONABLE FACTS, INNUENDO, HINTS,
NEWS, RUMORS AND GOSSIP...
ok, mostly just rumors and gossip,
DIRECT FROM tC4CS WATER COOLER
LAST UPDATED 22 OCTOBER 2017 A.D.
AKA: 66,005,322 YEARS AFTER "THE ANCIENTS" KICKED THE BUCKET
BUILDING C TAKES DOWN 8,416-POUND WILD ANIMAL
Be A Dinosaur," Claims Security From Behind Their Comfortable, Safe Video Screens
If you’re a wandering the hallways here at The Center, don’t mess with those guys in Building C.
That’s the lesson learned by a 8,416-pound Albertosaurus sarcophagus that was knocked out with a hypodermic needle-shooting
rifle by an Indoor Paddock [IP] employee after wreaking havoc on our Building C property for nearly five minutes.
The employee, Moe M. Downe, from Texas, used only 25 shots, reloading three times, to put the Greater Carnivore into "sleepy
"My work area is between some popular areas of Building C and I try to maintain an environment like a sanctuary or nursery
for the tourists to visit," Downe read from a prepared statement written by the C4CS Legal Department to the gathered
media in Media Room 1 at this morning's press conference featuring chocolate doughnuts with sprinkles.
Building C is home to the largest Albertosaur population in the United States, with an estimated 14 animals ranging
from hatchlings to full-grown, wild, crazy, mean adults, according to C4CS spokesman Kent Shuddup, and the animals are increasingly
finding their way to escape their IP.
Along with things like parking lot fees, Kretaceous Kitchen food, and reading this, Albertosaurus sarcophagus are probably
one of the more disliked animals at The Center.
They have been preying on the parked cars in the east parking lots and Downe said he always stayed armed when walking in the
hallways of Building C.
The departed Albertosaur will live on as if nothing happened, he added.
“He was the big daddy," Downe said. "I called him the couch beast because he ate, bit, chomped on, and just
totally destroyed every chair and couch in that hallway.”
Read The REAL Story: East Texas man takes down 416-pound wild hog in backyard
CEO TO DONATE CLOTHING TO SMITHSONIAN - AGAIN
They Keep Returning It
On Friday morning, CEO and founder Dr. S Beckmann donated his cardboard box full of old suits he has worn to work to the Smithsonian
National Museum of American History in Washington, D.C.
The box of bloodied and torn suit jackets and trousers, with assorted bloody, ripped shirts, designed by French-American fashion
designer Donna Komplane, will be placed in the museum’s “First Live Dinosaur Research” exhibit alongside
several others worn by tourists and employees, including Wendy Pigsfly, Susan Shocks, Trudy Door and Donna Hall.
Komplane, too, reportedly accompanied the box to the Smithsonian on Friday morning, telling Men’s Wear Monthly that
he jumped at the chance. That is, jumped at the chance to get out of here, even if only for a few minutes.
“He asked me if I wanted to go to the Smithsonian, and I said, ‘Oh hell, yes,’” Komplane told
the gathered media at this morning's press conference. “As an employee who has seen the horrors of this place, to
have a chance to get out of here for any reason, let alone the freakin' Smithsonian Museum is a big huge honor. I got chills.
I know how in the designer world, there are lots of big egos. I have always tried to manage my ego for many, many years. But
in this case, there is nothing to be ashamed of — it’s a big ego thing. I’m really, really glad, happy,
beside myself, just to get out of that dump for an hour.”
In a January interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Komplane said Dr. Beckmann contributed to the schedule of shipping things
to the Smithsonian, picking out a “beautiful six-ply cardboard box” that he regaled for the construction
and ability to hold all "the crappy clothing" the CEO was sending.
"The suits and most of the shirts are fluid, still wet from what we hope is sweat, yet the overall shape of the clothing
remained sharp and intense,” he told the press. Most of them were too busy inhaling free doughnuts. “For
me it reflects the personality of this dump.”
According to the Smithsonian, the tradition of returning Dr. Beckmann's contributions began in 1998, when he donated the white
silk chiffon shirt he wore by mistake to the 1997 Christmas Party. As most survivors remember, that year a juvenile Abelisaurus
comahuensis attacked the punchbowl.
The First Live Dinosaur Research exhibit, which has never made it past the proposal stages [as proposed by Dr. Beckmann]
“belongs to the trash” from every U.S. Presidential, Supreme Court, and Congressional administration, though
“we get a good laugh at some of the junk they send,” the museum wrote.
Read the REAL story: Melania Trump to present inaugural ball gown to Smithsonian
HERE IT IS!!!
GET THE INSIDE STORY OF THE CENTER
FOR CRETACEOUS STUDIES!!
Most Likely THE BEST Live Dinosaur Research Institution Book Every
Written Without Typohs
NOW you can get your paperback or eBook, the aptly titled The Center for Cretaceous Studies from AuthorHouse, Amazon,
or Barnes & Noble! If you're on this site then we're pretty sure you know what kind of book to expect.
Where can you get it? Search no more!
An eBook is available exclusively from the AuthorHouse site. The paperback only is for sale online from the fine bookstores
listed below. Just type in 'Center for Cretaceous Studies' when you get there:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! LINK (CLICK HERE)!
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