for CRETACEOUS STUDIES
THE WORLD LEADER IN LIVE
And All The Crap Associated With Them
|NEW TECH MANUALS STUDY OPENS TO TYPICAL RESULTS
|Screaming, Roaring, Thrashing... The Usual Stuff
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGY SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
THE CENTER FOR CRETACEOUS STUDIES
you kidding? how'd THAT happen?!?
Look For CEO, Founder, DR. S BECKMANN On LinkedIn
seriously, why would you do that?
|Charter Member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Dinosaurs Since Last Week
the Center for Cretaceous Studies [tC4CS] LIVE Dinosaur research institution website.
The animals [Dinosaurs, not our staff] are now in their Indoor Paddocks [IPs] for the 2016-17 winter. Now is a GREAT time
to visit The Center! Well, unless you have plans for a long life, that is.
Here at the Center for Cretaceous Studies we often research and sometimes study
the unstudied and unresearched aspects of Dinosaur life, both past and present. That is, when we're not attending the funerals
of those doing that unstudied and unresearched stuff. However, as the ONLY research institute in the world with eating,
biting, living, biting, breathing, biting, carnivorous Dinosaurs from the Cretaceous Period [wait, did we mention biting?], we have live examples just down
the hall, so eh, what do we care if we discover something in fossils or not?
Our record is incomparable to any other live Dinosaur research institute on Earth. Not because our "residents" are actually
live, meat-eating Dinosaurs, but mostly because we are the only ones stupid enough to house live, meat-eating Dinosaurs.
Our unofficial motto: "Museums Are Nice, But We Have Them LIVE", remains our unofficial motto to this
day, mostly because we don't want to be sued by Universal Studios or that Spielberg guy. Then again we thought it was slightly
better than our previous motto: "You're Probably Going To Die Here".
Set on a gorgeous college campus-like setting, our Dinosaur research facility would be on the cover of Better Homes & Gardens
if not for the... well, you-know-what's. This research institution, located southwest of Chicago, Illinois, is home to over
158 species* - we think - and probably growing every year, for all we know.
*Note: Most of our DinoCensus volunteers have never returned, so we're kinda guessing
site on your Favorites or Bucket List as company news and information [below] is updated nearly every weekend - or as long
as someone is still around [alive] to write.
You don't want to miss any of the 'adventures'... specially if for some insane reason you actually plan to visit us
some day. Thanks for looking, and we hope to see you here soon!
Proof of life insurance, next of kin contact information, and blood type on separate piece
of paper [in case the original is eaten] are required before admission will be granted.
|CEO DR. BECKMANN RUINS ANOTHER COUPLE DINODIGS
|Over The Years Dr. Beckmann Has Dug Up Many Ounces Of Bones- Some Of Them Belong To Dinosaurs!
| THE WEEK IN REVIEW BUZZ
QUESTIONABLE FACTS, INNUENDO, HINTS,
NEWS, RUMORS AND GOSSIP...
ok, mostly just rumors and gossip,
DIRECT FROM tC4CS WATER COOLER
LAST UPDATED 3 DECEMBER 2016 A.D.
AKA: 66,005,321 YEARS AFTER "THE ANCIENTS" KICKED THE BUCKET
IP67 DINOHANDLER TANYA WASTE HOSPITALIZED
Employees Complain About 'Goofy-Looking' Face
Indoor Paddock [IP]67 DinoHandler Tanya Waste's on-going 8-day hospitalization is the result of an altered direction from
her "longstanding psychological issues," This Week In Paleontology reported on Thursday.
C4CS spokesman Kent Shudder said the DinoHandler [3rd Class] had been taking the hallway to Building H for years, but "deviated
from the prescribed route" after her husband, Kitt, was reported MPE [Missing, Presumed Eaten] in early October during
Paris Fashion Week.
The trauma of the terrifying incident evidently had a large effect on Waste, who has changed her behavior and hairstyle ever
since. For her part, Tanya has stayed away from buying frozen and fast food almost completely, with the exception of a few
spottings in public at burger joints and photos released through C4CS security cameras.
Waste, had also exhibited a series of erratic and concerning behaviors during each day of her work inside IP67, which she
continued throughout the fall after the tragic loss of what's-his-name.
Following a last-minute cancellation of a girl's night out, Waste then cancelled the rest of her work week. That same night,
the DinoHandler was rushed to the hospital following an alleged outburst at the home of the Tarascosaurus salluvicus
in IP67. C4CS doctor's call leaked on Thursday. It showed that C4CS doctors had ordered at least 8 delivery pizzas and made
several crank calls to local businesses.
8 days after being hospitalized after her breakdown, Waste is no where near getting discharged from CFI Care Medical Center.
Instead, she is allegedly receiving inpatient care under a different name: Tanya Blinkerov.
In the meantime, all IP67 employees - at least those still alive - are staying at work, getting the job done. It's unclear
whether or not Waste will be present for next week's 1st Anniversary of the 2008 Terrible Tarascosaurs Outbreak, as she is
allegedly "concerned" for her health.
Sources close to IP67 also indicate that all of the recent drama in her life has taken a strain on her friends and fellow
coworkers, but first she has to get back to work.
Read the REAL story: Kanye West's hospitalization reportedly a result of altered medication for longstanding 'psychological
CEO ANNOUNCES PLANS TO GIVE MONEY FOR JOB TRAINING
Think I'm Going To Faint" Is Majority Reaction With Employees
CEO and founder Dr. S Beckmann announced Tuesday that the Center for Cretaceous Studies is extending a sizable olive branch
to neighbors rankled by its plans to expand its campus and build new DinoResident buildings, a move some locals fear will
exacerbate a growing housing shortage. Other neighbors feel the new "Raptor Houses" will exacerbate personal growth among
those living near the world's only live Dinosaur research institution.
The Center then announced Friday it will spend about $20 per person to support job-training programs and provide legal and
ambulatory assistance to nearby residents in danger of being caught living next door to a live Dinosaur research institution.
Some $18.54 will go to a fund for new employee job training, primarily targeted at slow- and moderately slow employees, with
consultation from groups such as Mort Chewary Funeral Home and Lief N. Shurrance Auto and Life Insurance.
C4CS officials and community groups in neighborhoods outside the southwest gate and to the east at Peaceful Valley [which
really isn't] have tried to engage The Center in their backyards for help in solving the problem of wandering Dinosaurs.
Housing insurance costs have skyrocketed due to the seemingly endless parade of loose DinoResidents wandering around at any
given time of day..
The Center's decision to begin funneling tens of dollars to train employees from local communities underscores the growing
pressure on this company to help tackle housing damages caused by very large animals, an issue that also is beginning to make
it difficult to sell new homes.
While about 500,000 new jobs have been created since 2010, just 2.6% of the new employees hired are still alive. Between 2007
and 2014, a shortfall of nearly 22,000 employees, according to Center statistics, may have been primarily from no previous
training in working with large, prehistoric animals.
Read the REAL story: Facebook announces it will give $20M to Bay Area cities for affordable housing, job training
HERE IT IS!!!
GET THE INSIDE STORY OF THE CENTER
FOR CRETACEOUS STUDIES!!
Most Likely THE BEST Live Dinosaur Research Institution Book Every
Written Without Typohs
NOW you can get your paperback or eBook, the aptly titled The Center for Cretaceous Studies from AuthorHouse, Amazon,
or Barnes & Noble! If you're on this site then we're pretty sure you know what kind of book to expect.
Where can you get it? Search no more!
An eBook is available exclusively from the AuthorHouse site. The paperback only is for sale online from the fine bookstores
listed below. Just type in 'Center for Cretaceous Studies' when you get there:
AuthorHouse (eBook and paperback)
Barnes & Noble
THE CRETACEOUSLAND! LINK (CLICK HERE)!
NO! WAIT!!! CLICK HERE TO RETURN TO C4CS PREVIEW PAGE
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A division of Beckmann Scientific [BS]