for CRETACEOUS STUDIES
THE WORLD LEADER IN LIVE
And All The Crap Associated With Them
|ANNIVERSARY OF FIRST MEN TO WALK IN DINO PADDOCK
|1969 Photo Borrowed From Next Of Kin
PROUD MEMBER OF THE MID-AMERICA PALEONTOLOGY SOCIETY
even though they asked us to go away
the Center for Cretaceous Studies [tC4CS] Dinosaur research facility website.
Unfortunately for you, but fortunately for us, the DinoResidents have been moved next door to Cretaceousland! for the
summer season. The Center, though it remains open, is undergoing building rehab, construction, and demolition in the meantime
to repair damages done by the Dinosaurs during their stay here last winter.
What this means is, the "news and information" found below this cheerful welcome is updated only weekly -- not daily -- during
the summer season. Mostly because we deserve a vacation or most of us are in the hospital. Hey, YOU try working around live,
carnivorous, 9-ton Dinosaurs, pal.
All latest and updated information, news, and warnings now originates
from the Cretaceousland! offices during the summer season.
Click on the link below!
CLICK HERE FOR THE LATEST C4CS INFORMATION!
At this site we'll show you the day-to-day operations, the research, the screaming,
and the evacuation techniques practiced here around the clock. At the Center for Cretaceous Studies
we often research and sometimes study the unstudied and unresearched aspects of Dinosaur life, both
past and present. That is, when we're not attending the funerals of those doing that unstudied and unresearched stuff.
However, as the ONLY research institute in the world with eating, biting, living, biting,
breathing, biting, carnivorous Dinosaurs from the Cretaceous Period [wait, did
we mention biting?], we have live examples just down the hall, so eh, what do we care if we discover something in fossils
Our record is incomparable to any other live Dinosaur research institute on Earth. Not because our "residents" are actually
live, meat-eating Dinosaurs, but mostly because we are the only ones stupid enough to house live, meat-eating Dinosaurs.
Our unofficial motto: "Museums Are Nice, But We Have Them LIVE", remains our unofficial motto to this
day, mostly because we don't want to be sued by Universal Studios or Spielberg. Then again we thought it was slightly better
than our previous motto: "You're Probably Going To Die Here".
Set on a gorgeous college campus-like setting, our Dinosaur research facility would be on the cover of Better Homes & Gardens
if not for the... well, you-know-what's. This research institution, located near Chicago, Illinois, is home to over 158 species*
- we think - and probably growing every year.
*Note: Most of our DinoCensus volunteers have never returned, so we're kinda guessing
site on your Favorites or Bucket List as company news and information (below) will be updated weekly during the summer - or
as long as someone is around to write.
You don't want to miss any of the 'adventures'... specially if for some insane reason you actually plan to visit us in person
Thanks for visiting, and we hope to see you here soon!
Proof of life insurance, next of kin contact information, and blood type on separate piece
of paper [in case the original is eaten] are required before admission will be granted.
|CEO DR. BECKMANN RUINS ANOTHER COUPLE DINODIGS
|Over The Years Dr. Beckmann Has Dug Up Many Ounces Of Bones- Some Of Them Belong To Dinosaurs!
| THE LATEST BUZZ, QUESTIONABLE FACTS, INNUENDO, HINTS,
RUMORS AND GOSSIP...
ok, mostly just rumors and gossip,
DIRECT FROM tC4CS WATER COOLER
LAST UPDATED 27 JULY 2014 A.D.
AKA: 66,005,319 YEARS AFTER "THE ANCIENTS" KICKED THE BUCKET
GIANT CRATER IN BUILDING H's BACKYARD SPARKS MYSTERY
First Researcher To Guess Correctly Gets A BIG Prize, Says CEO
A vast crater discovered in the shrubs just outside of Building H, known to locals as "the end of the world" is causing
a sensation in many construction crew members. And by 'many' we mean 'almost more than one'. A group of C4CS scientists is
being sent to investigate. The giant hole in the bushes first came to light in a video uploaded to YerToob that has since
been viewed more than seven times.
"The crater is enormous in size -- you could throw all kinds of trash into it without being afraid of hitting anything,"
the person who last saw the video, named Dee Seased, wrote.
The crater is located on the east side of Building H around 30 kilometres (18 gallons) from the huge perimeter fence line
north of Parking Lot 2, roughly 2,000 acres northeast of Moscow, Idaho. Yeah. We're lost, too.
The appearance of the mysterious chasm prompted numerous conspiracy theories and speculation that it may have been caused
by something otherworldly, with some even suggesting DinoResidents might be behind it. Initial theories suggesting the crater
was caused by a meteorite, however, were dismissed by scientists here at The Center, if we can call them that.
In an effort to discover its mysteries, Building R sent a group of scientists into the Building H shrubs where the crater
is located. Maria Leiberman, chief researcher at the Earth Crater Institute, which studies shrubbery craters, was on the phone
with the team sent to scour the area.
"A thorough search showed there were no traces of people or machinery" by the crater, Leiberman said in a statement
released by local shrub and bush authorities. She said that the crater could not have been caused by a meteorite because there
were no traces of very large DinoResidents going completely bonkers.
"It most likely happened when pressure to throw out some stuff resulted in someone digging a hole," she guessed.
"So far this is just a hypothesis, the least contradictory one. There is no proof," she cautioned.
Read the REAL story: http://news.yahoo.com/giant-crater-russias-far-north-sparks-mystery-090537754.html
PREPARE TO BE EXTINCTED! WARNS GOOF BALLS
Be Really Bad For Those Who Want To Live, They Guess
Approximately 65 million years ago [66 million years, 39 months, 84 weeks, and 9 days ago], when the Ancients [the original
Dinosaurs] went extinct, 75.382% of the planet's many species went with them. It was the world's fifth, and most recent,
mass extinction event.
Now, according to C4CS researchers in Building R, the Earth seems to be at the cusp of a seventh mass extinction. Where number
six went, we have no idea. This time an asteroid is not to blame. We are. But if our CEO can blame an asteroid, then that's
what's going to happen.
"Human impact here at The Center on Dinosaur biodiversity are a recognized form of change," the team of nincompoops
warn in the scientific journal My Weekly Reader. A third of all vertebrates, the scientists write [in crayon], "are
threatened or endangered." Coincidentally, human employees make up 1/3rd of all vertebrates here at tC4CS.
There are several long-time drivers of what the researchers call "defaunation" — the decline of various Dinosaur
species. The study points to "overexploitation, habitat destruction, and impacts from invasive species" as continuing
threats, but notes that soon, human-caused climate change will be the number one driver of defaunation. Diseases that come
from pathogens introduced by humans are another growing threat.
The good news? The Center for Cretaceous Studies conducts a multitude of tests twice a year [why do you think we keep hiring?]
and also inoculates most of the DinoResidents. Those not getting inoculations are usually the ones eating the inoculators.
As researcher Eureka Garlik wrote:
To avoid the seventh mass extinction we will probably have to employ more aggressive conservation, such as moving Dinosaur
species to help them cope with a changing climate. Think re-wilding: reintroducing species like Tarbosaurs or Oviraptors
that were once present in a given ecosystem but have since been moved.
As another study notes, we've already made headway in saving animals from what seemed like certain ruin.
But if humans as a species and employees as an employee don't want to take our chances with a seventh mass extinction, we
need to start taking drastic measures now. Sign up sheets will be posted on the bulletin board outside C4CS Cafeteria 2. We're
jut not sure what it is you'll be signing up for.
Read the REAL story: http://finance.yahoo.com/news/most-earths-species-destroyed-giant-220539502.html
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